Okay, I guess this September is the worst month for me in this year.
I uhm...I failed to get the offer from local university again after I made appeal. What I felt really suck are
1. My gpa wasn't that bad, but I have no idea why I failed to get the offer. According to the news, Ministry of Education had announced that they cut down the intake amount this year. Well, I guess I'm one of the students that they had cut down. SCREW YOU!!!!! DAMN!!
2. I had disappointed my daddy and my mammy. Although they never showed they were disappointed by me, and they just pretend everything is ok, but I know they did felt sad for this, they hope I can get offer from local university, I knew this once they decided to let me study Form 6.I know mammy had prayed every single day for let me get in the local university since I start my Form 6 life.I felt terrible when they did not blame me but still try to comfort me after I told them I did not get the offer. I try not to show any sad feeling for did not get the offer, I cannot make them proud of me but at least I cannot let them felt worrying to me.
The 19 years passed, I never leave my home for going to another place to further my study. But now, I'll be a place that is totally strange for me. Daddy had decided to send me to Utar, which located at Kampar to further my study. One more week I'll be there, a new place, new environment, new friends, a place that need 2 hours distance from my hometown, a place which do not have my daddy and mammy. ='(
Well, I not a person with a big dream. What I wish is stay forever at Penang, I can meet my parents, my aunties, my sisters, my bffs anytime. Sometimes I quite envy those who can leave their hometown to further their study at another country. I still not able for doing this, homesick will killing me! I'm not independent enough. Plus, I'm not the person who good in social skill. I used 1 semester to get along with my ex-classmates. I'm failed in social skill and this is one of the things that i most worry.
Since going to Kampar had become a fact, what I do is I try to persuade myself that " See, ABC can go to UK study lehh, you still in Malaysia what..." " XYZ go to US for 4 years cannot back here leh, even CNY also cannot back home leh, you still able to back twice in a month..." Persuade myself let me feel better for sometimes.
My status for now is, I afraid being alone. I start to think everything, anything that nonsense when I'm alone, it make me lost confidence to face everything. When my sisters all are not along with me, I keep singing or turning to volume to max. I watch cartoons with my nieces every morning, I pleased my sister accompany me when I'm alone in the room, I persuaded my sister back to home everyday after work at Penang, all I did is I don't want being alone. I think my situation is getting worse. But I get back to optimistic when there're people around me. Is this the trait of getting melancholia? Please tell me I'm not the only person who felt like this!
For now I'm writing this post, I feel better than the day before. I think things could not getting worst, hopefully everything getting smooth and better!!
xoxo agnesboi
